Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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