Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
