I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
