I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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