dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
