please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
