So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
