Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
