it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
