It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
