just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
