ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
