My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
