i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize