About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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