Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
