Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
