This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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