I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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