haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
