That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
