he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
