You smell like a Billy Joel song
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
