I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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