so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
