I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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