Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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