If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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