Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wish you could order shots online.
the day after is always just damage control
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
