your thong is hanging out like whoa
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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