I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
