then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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