I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
