Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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