I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
