hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
