people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
