Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
