I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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