A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
