I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
