I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
