Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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