So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
