are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
