BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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