I bet he comes in French.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
