Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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