Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
