This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
is that a dick in a sweater?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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