Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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