planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
