I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
