Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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