I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
